phyllis*

perceptive @ 2006-06-15T13:55:00

2006-06-15T06:17:45Z

COULD I BE ANY STUPIDER?! i guess not.

"YOU ARE SMART. very smart in fact. and you have a wonderful personality so dont ever change. because people will see that beautiful personality of yours shine through whenever someone's in doubt. you are always there for people when they are in need, always selfless and ever so caring. dont change because although i love to bully you, you're perfect the way you are. perfect the way god made you. stay the same, dont change." -louie,14:07

what a day!

2006-06-13T00:39:32Z

EDIT:
in my world:
there'd be no such thing as procrastination, and no one would be a victim of it
there'd be cookies and jap milk tea growing on the trees outside my house
i'd be able to exercise all my restless energy off and not ache like shit
i wouldn't have any fat bitches in my life
my FRIEND would be super dumb. (ie. tell me to block her on msn so she can't tell me to study! oh wait. SHE IS. isn't she, soong fee?;) )
i would have money to shop like mad and i'd buy really pretty shoes, graphic tees, fitting jeans, super yummy shorts
i'd have the figure to wear all that pretty stuff and look really good
i'd have this REALLY nicely organised mess in my room. ie. i'd REALLY know where everything was, and the mess would look GOOD.
all taxi drivers would give me free rides in exchange for interesting conversations
my cute lion water bottle would be able to contain more water
my zen would have more new songs
i'd be GOOD at math, not MEDIOCRE
i'd have homecooked food everyday
and i'd be content. :D

okay i am content now but my brain is empty. okay it isn't. it just doesn't seem to contain the stuff i need to pass mid years!:(

THE exercise plan if you want to TOTALLY EXHAUST YOURSELF
1 round of cj track
70 push ups
2nd round of cj track
100 crunches
3rd round of cj track
100 jumping jacks
4th round of cj track
50 pull ups
5th round of cj track
70 burpies (SURE DIE!)
6th round of cj track
practice shuttle run 4 sets of 10 runs
7th round of cj track
COLLAPSE INTO THE GRASS

okay i didn't last at all:( only did like till the 4th round. and even then i didn't do the 100 jumping jacks. lost count, don't even think i hit 50!:(
UGHUGHUGH.
alrights shall try it out again today

MY STOMACH ACHES.

how lovely it would be to have homecooked meals everyday!
huiting's place:
OH MY GOSH.
i'd long forgotten what it was like to eat homecooked food!
its like coming home and knowing that someone had been slaving over the stove just to cook dinner for ME. ME, you know?
and i just felt so BLESSED. since my mom works and doesn't cook AT ALL. (okay twice a year)
but still, i just felt SO BLESSED:)
i guess you don't know what you've got till its gone!
anyways here's what we had for dinner:
YUMMY SALMON WITH GARLIC!!! (the juicy kind cos she steamed it)
tomato+ham+egg (super yummy with sandwiches!)
potato+veg
and rice.
HEAVENLY. okay you wouldn't believe it cos you didn't try it. and you weren't starving after TRYING to totally exhaust yourself. :)
it was GOOD. seriously.
then we went to play around with her telescope! saw stars i couldn't see with my naked eye, the MOON so up close i could almost TOUCH it.
played around with her camera and took blurry photos of the lights. :) slow shutter speed, i like!

THEN HER MOM CAME HOME
and i scurried into her room nervously; like a boyfriend that wasn't supposed to be at his girlfriend's place! HAHAHA:)

by the way if i was a boy i would marry you. :D

collapse into me tired with joy

:D

---

EDIT
A:yep he's talking now]
A:like a lot of lines is him lol
B:HAHAHAHAHHAA WHOA
B:HAHAHHAHAHA OMG HE TALKS!
B:HAHAHAHHA
A:. . ?
A:LOL
A:of course he does
A:he has diff personas
A:when he's playing - damn serious
B:HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
A:outside of it - cute.
A:lol

he sounds like a monkey who can perform tricks! (ie. talk)

because i haven't uploaded photos till now!

2006-06-08T05:48:08Z

photos of minhui!! HAHAHA and some others

2006-06-08T04:58:51Z

life gets better

2006-06-07T08:29:35Z

RAWR!
i think things are getting better:] holiday lessons and morning runs with cristal are good. heh. even though there are SOCCER BOYS having training, right dawn?

hmm phong's birthday thing was good! aha it was like in MAY okay, so outdated i know.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SCANDAL! :D we haven't kissed in a long time already leh! hahaha:)
sleeping over at kai's place and playing chinese monopoly and watching the stupid liu xing hua yuan and eating like mad starved pigs is never to be forgotten! weiqin sleeps like a log. hurhur. stupid louie didn't stay but it was still fun with PHONG huihui kai and weiqin the sleeping beauty! aha:] X MEN3 is good!!:] and the photo whoring session photos are like all too dark!:(
HURHUR some people are so lucky. got people go all the way to their house and sing birthday song for them!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SOONG FEE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SAM DEAR
i hope the 14th with you two will be great. :)

okay lah quite boring going to school and stuff but its.. i don't know:] seeing everyone still is good. and studying in school with alien kheng wee and normal dawn is umm, sometimes productive and quite entertaining!:] HAHAHA DAWN ****!! :D i really need to mugggggggg:(
i haven't seen everyone for ages:/ and i have spent weekends rotting away at home, rearranging my books and notes and telling myself it will help me to study, though i never do get started! :(

over the hedge is a rather nice and funny movie! although i was forced to go watch it by none other than darren foo. and i told you we wouldn't be able to get into grandma's boy! okay fine the cine attendant was too attentive that day then! haha.
and i'm sorry i dragged you all around far east last thursday huiting!:/ heh i still want that necklace though!:/ oh well:] and you must get well soon okay! cannot be sick! then you can come to school and see your darling!! hehheh.
and you really see an awful lot of eyecandies when you go to school!:] hahaha. but not mine eh! i only saw one:/

my mother says: no wonder people say that jc kids are dumb! ask them to take down the clothes also they don't know how!
:(
rawr. because im scared of the bamboo pole falling onto my head lah! so thats why i like errm tiptoe and grab it haha. aiyah but its quite painful you know. it fell on my head once.
okay anyways i hope everything will work out fine for everyone! aha:]
good luck to zhenyao for his last paper!
hope my mom is okay and will be!
hope that impulsive zong chang sorts out stuff with his two girls!
hope shannon feels tonnes better about his thing
i hope i start mugging. like now!

and thank you to everyone who was there on tuesday night. yes i was frantic and angry, not a pretty picture. if you wanna screw up your life, thats fine with me but don't mess with mine
i still love you,
or rather a fragment of who you are. cos you're not you now.
do it the way you want, thats fine by me.
cos we could've been more than amazing, but we can never be now.

START STUDYING PHY

things are falling into place
i can't imagine living my life without you now
not ever having you around
there are a million reasons why i'm looking up
i don't ever want this to end
you showed me faith is not blind, i don't need wings to help me fly
you showed me dreams come to life, that taking a chance on us was worthwhile
there is no question, we've found the missing pieces
our picture is completed
this is the moment
and i've got to thank you:)

-

2006-05-20T15:58:52Z

because we could be more than amazing
and its so tempting to crawl over
and all i can do is protect it
a lie for the sake of my pride

because i miss burying my face in your shirt
hugging you
holding your hand
kissing your face
dragging you around everywhere
smacking you
and just being with you.

because we could be more than amazing and yet

2006-05-19T19:10:58Z

only love can break your heart
what if your world should fall apart?
he has his head inside a dream
try to lose the doubt that he's found

when you want to curl up and DIE. for real.

2006-05-18T11:36:52Z

honestly i can't believe you just plain forgot about it. like %@%)@#*^)@# nevermind

when you feel the world's crumbling
and you've got no one,
you can be sure that what you feel and think is true
is really true.

I GIVE UP!

sometimes

2006-05-16T14:16:25Z

sometimes i need to know you still think of me, even if its only every now and then
sometimes i need you around, but i know you're busy so i get by
sometimes i miss you so much but you're out of my reach
sometimes i think we're so close and yet we cannot possibly drift any further
sometimes when i say lets go out what i really mean is that i miss you like crazy
sometimes when i ask whats going on in your life what i really mean is, where am i in your life
sometimes when life gets me down i can smile knowing that you're there for me
sometimes when you need me and i'm not there, plese let me know
sometimes i think i can't go on anymore, but i think of you and i know i can
sometimes it kills me knowing that you've forgotten what we have
sometimes you're so far away
sometimes you're all i need
sometimes i hope and pray you'll find me in this vortex

i think its just the way things are

2006-05-16T13:57:49Z

maybe i overanalyse things. or maybe i'm just nuts.
or perhaps, its just the way things are. there's no why. i should just sit and accept them. like it was always meant to happen.
like the way junk mail and chain mail ALWAYS finds its way to your inbox no matter HOW MANY junkmail filters you use. and you ALWAYS end up reading chain mail, especially by accident. when what you really hate is that.
maybe its the exact same way how you're nice to others and then find that they either turn around and go HAHA thanks for your help but no thanks *STABSTAB after you've helped them. or something to that effect. then again.
i don't know, really. are we meant to accept that as part of the way things are? or should we struggle to fight them tooth and nail; with every fibre of our being? maybe these thoughts are just theories. and yet maybe its the way i live, the principles which i follow.
i don't know. should i think it over? or should i accept it as being so. just, being.
should i try to be nicer? should i not expect anything? should i expect them to stab me? should i stab THEM first? should i?
it would be easier letting things just, BE. but then what would be the point in living if one's unable to change things? and one just accepts them? i guess thats why we have wars. because sometimes people try too hard.
or maybe its an excuse.

there's so much going on in my head, its just hard to put it in words:/
of course, part of the reason behind why i'm unable to is my lousy standard of english!:/

because his thoughts were overlapping like small waves,
he was confused

IF I TOLD YOU THIS WAS KILLING ME WOULD YOU STOP?

2006-05-13T10:45:55Z

I CANNOT BELIEVE MYSELF. ANYWAY. I WILL BE GETTING OUT OF THIS. SOON. AND PRETTY DAMN SOON I TELL YOU. RETAIL THERAPY DOESN'T WORK!:/ BLOODY SKIRT IS CROOOKED. I DEMAND AN EXCHANGE. UGH WHATEVER. ON THE BRIGHT SIDE I BOUGHT A NICE ORANGE TOP.
RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
DSFHSDIAUHFNVPOWETO

when you feel like dying

2006-05-13T02:35:59Z

rarrrrr this really sucks a lot like really a lot:D i feel like dying. wheeee.

WHATEVERRRRRRRRRRRRR.

NEVERMIND. retail therapy does wonders. bye!

funny isn't it?

2006-05-11T14:34:46Z

i don't get it, how people always promise they won't, and end up doing so anyway.
i don't know.
we said nothing would change, that we'd remain close like always. and yet, it does change anyhow.
i miss you two. really.
i feel bad.
cos sometimes when i do stuff i don't even know if its like what i'm supposed to do or whatever. but yea.
i knew, from the beginning that it would never be the same. but yea. i'm missing it a lot!
hurrrrrrrrrrrr.

but anyhow. sports carnival was rather.. exciting. and eyecandies were everywhere!:D hurhur.
but we lost our first netball game to 32:/ but they're really tall and strong and fast! so yep. and we won 11 and 39! :D which was really good.
lost softball though:/
and some idiot j1 like flung his bat. which hit my hip. whoopee. a huge blue bruise has already formed.
class outing was a rather sad affair, but yea. i'm really getting rather used to it already. but it was quite alright in the end:) dawn yining momo peijoo daniel and terence. yep.
ate then walked around to shop for a bit after yining and daniel left. hurr. in the end we talked and like decided to take neoprints. haha quite funny really. and we watched aquamarine although i swear terence was like falling asleep:/
but its just yea. one of those feel good movies. it has quite a lot of funny moments though:)
and we sat in the FRONT ROW. like absolute front. hurhur. and carrying that like metal stick thing around was extremely embarrassing. and what oh-ya-pay-ah-som! in the middle of town! like 3 or 5 times i think! hurhur. quite funny lah:D
anyhow. hopefully i can go out tomorrow. either tanning with sam or tennis with momo and terence. i'll probably just watch hurhur!
shall bathe!

cos i still wear your scent

2006-05-10T17:56:45Z

food poisoning sucks!
lets hope sports carnival tomorrow will be really good:D

class jersey is..
err.
whateverrrrrrrrrrrr.

anyways:D just hoping tomorrow will be good!
i need. to shop.
and thanks to gabriel for accompanying me in my mad delirium.
hur. weathering the storm!
for a guess wallet i ended up finding hideous:/
don't know why it was so nice on monday night!:/ right before andrew splashed water at me:(
anyways!:D tomorrow tomorrow!:D

for the better.

2006-05-08T16:54:29Z

when you're being santa claus to others
in the back of your mind you somehow would really like if if they'd be santa claus to you when you need them
and when they're not

you learn the hard way that you gotta always put yourself first.
why give so much of yourself when they won't give themselves to you?

not to be selfish.
just to think long and hard about whether helping someone out would inconvenience you or make you unhappy in every way
no one should ever compromise their own happiness.

on a happier note, emo dinner with soong at crystal jade was good:D

juicy xiao long baos and pork ribs la mian:D
okay pork ribs la mian wasn't THAT good. and i burnt my tongue:(
hope you feel better now
:D

meeting jarryl pearlyn and fahmy and andrew was funny as usual. fahmy sucks lah. rarr. keep laughing at me. stupid thing.

andrew splashed paragon holy water at me. he owes me a guess wallet. okay no lah. pearlyn would kill me:P
but i shall buy the guess wallet. this wednesday.

I CANNOT WAIT:D

your advances,
i just can't refuse you

EDIT
star light star bright, first star i see tonight. i wish i may, i wish i might have the guess wallet appear in my bag

have the wish I wish tonight

because it just is

2006-05-07T16:40:33Z

today's a really good day:D tiring but productive.

and we (cristal and i) conclude that hans fish and chips suck! really. its disgusting, what were they thinking! hurhur.
but thanks for walking around with me looking at way too expensive Bonia wallets! and stupid Braun Buffel (daylight robbery) wallets:D heh.we must diet to reach our magic number. :/ RARR.
finally bought the Jane Shilton one:D
its nice! hur.

hope mark's doing alright now, or at least feeling better:)
thanks to soong and cheng siong and aaron:)

here's to more days like this:)

i guess something's changed:) this feels really good.
and broke back's err. i don't know. not bad i guess. but i had trouble making out what they were saying what with the accents:/ anyhow he is cute alright:D

i saw a super nice denim skirt. i want. and a nice mickey top.
i really really really want.
today is SUCH a good day:D now i shall complete my gp essay and my two bio essays!
RARRR:D

MORE GOOD DAYS LIKE THESE TO COME PLEASE
K THANKS BYE!

after the fire

2006-05-06T15:41:23Z

i never thought it'd be this hard
it always came easily to me
i'd never know it was so hard.
now i know.
and i have to be up to it.

he looks in the mirror and he can't tell anymore who he is and who they want him to be

2006-05-06T08:07:06Z

while i'm alive, would you be here holding my hand
or would you shed tears when i'm dead

before we felt lost for the first time

this is the last time.
this is THE LAST TIME
THE LAST TIME.

nothing here
now its a long way up

where do you go when you're lonely

2006-05-04T17:36:44Z

if i just continue believing, it will work out.
just as long as i continue believing.
really.

i miss it

2006-05-01T18:17:34Z

having so much to say, and watching you walk away

RAHHH. this feeling sucks lahh. anyhow. i shall get over it. i cannot believe i have nightmares about organic compounds and functional groups! like OH MY GOODNESS. :/
this is bad. and dreaming about political parties coming after me if i don't vote for them. but i can't even vote. this is absurd. totally absurd:/ absolutely absurd!

anyhow!
i really hope kheng wee gets better soon! seeing him unable to even bend his knee is terrible, really.
and he hasn't been in school for ages! really. and he won't be in the class photo rahh.
visiting him today with cristal and tq was quite funny:) i bet tq knows kw's house super well already, and that he's only faking it when he was asking for directions! HOHO.

i saw something really sweet on sunday:)
this couple was at the doctor's and the guy was just lovingly stroking the girl's hair. and its just, i don't know. words spoil this. but anyhow its not that he was doing it cos the girl's super pretty or has a really good body. its just, the way he looked at her and placed his arm protectively around her shoulder, you can he really loves her. :) and its so sweet. she was coughing like mad and her nose was leaking and honestly its quite unglam but he just looked at her lovingly:)

heartwarming, really:)

midnight movie on saturday was daisy.
really sweet too:]

and i am dying to read jodi piccoult! hur.

it gets better from now on
because i will make sure it does:]

and and! i miss you! martina and kai li:D and sam too. last last week feels like ages ago.

perceptive @ 2006-04-25T23:25:00

2006-04-25T15:31:14Z

In this dark and rainy night
He comes out of the shadows
He wants to finish what he began
A thousand years ago

He starts the engine of his machine
He puts her body on the table
He looks into her broken eyes
And he seals it with a kiss

Where am I
What's happening to me
Everything's so cold
Everything's so dark
What is this pain I feel
Why does it hurt
Please no, let me die

She's a creation made by evil hands
She's slept in her grave for a thousand years
But in this night of violent tears
He brought her back to life again

He created an angel just for himself
He gave her beauty, he gave her life
But she could not live without a soul
So she faded away again

He's so fascinated
By her pale white skin
He starts to kiss her body
All over again

They belong together
That's what he has in mind
She kills him with a kiss
Forever joined in death

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO LIVE FOREVER?

2006-04-25T15:23:56Z

GIVE ME SOMETHING FOR THE PAIN SOMETHING TO NUMB MY BRAIN AND DESIRE

what the fuck is this world coming to anyway? like seriously, for goodness sakes. don't come barging in just because you've got the key. whatever happened to the age old concept of privacy? guess its dissipated! wow. fucking hell.
i didn't ask for it to happen. its not my fault that they wanted to alright. and whoever said you could read the fucking conversations?!
we're just expected to study and conform to the fucking society's demands. we want straight a students who go to university. how to reach that goal? by studying every waking moment, thats how. we're just butterflies in a cage. dying to break free but we just can't. cos this cage is too strong. and the butterflies are worn out. they've lost their zest for life and desire for freedom, some completely and totally and others have just lost it for the moment. i can never understand why people want to live forever. maybe in the past, but i can't see why they would want to now, when the world's just a large cage. for us to scratch at each other and tear each other down. wear each other out, until we just collapse and give in.

DONT GIVE IN.

but how?

when nobody understands

2006-04-22T08:51:55Z

sometimes its so hard to be heard. yes they're listening, but are they really?
i don't know what to do anymore with myself.
i guess its just me.

these everyday nightmares are getting to me
yes you read it. everyday.
i don't know why they're happening.
consciously i feel fine, but subconsciously i guess i'm not

i'm sick and tired of being stood up by you.
you don't make promises you can't keep.
i know its not intentional, but its happened too often, far too often. :/

three knocks and i know there's no one there
i don't run your life
and you can't run mine
if i don't let you.
but i let you in.

i don't know whats become of me, now its just candy coated prison bars and chains that look like jewellery.

i miss you. i miss the feelings that are stirred up in me whenever we're together. but memories will forever be. i still love you, just not in the same way as before.
i hope you're doing fine:) you're being missed. but i doubt you know that.

i hope it gets better.

perceptive @ 2006-04-17T01:44:00

2006-04-16T17:56:51Z

let me be the one to know you best
be the one to hold you up when you feel like you're sinking
tell me once again whats beneath the pain you're feeling
don't abandon me don't think you can't be saved
i walk beside you wherever you are
whatever it takes, no matter how far

be the one to carry you when you can't walk no further
if you've lost your way i will take you in

-dream theatre

so here we stand,
knowing so much and knowing nothing all at the same time.
what fools we are, having so much in our hands and nothing much in our hearts
and thinking we've got the world in our hands.
nothing in our hearts, how could we hold the world in our hands

i daresay most have forgotten the joy of sitting on a swing in the company of a friend, the pleasure of giving, the pain of heartbreak and the grief of loss.
we've forgotten the intensity of what's in our hearts, its only expressed in our subconcious dreams, where we cannot numb ourselves or reduce the intensity of sensations.

i guess we're all jaded, and deluded.
maybe we all got more than we bargained for, and we've become so caught up in everything around us that we don't even begin to notice that something's begun until its ended.

whats wrong with the world today? do we not love or bleed?
maybe we've forgotten how, and perhaps only natural disasters or a great calamity would help us remember, that sudden jolt of memory.
or maybe, what we remember then is only a fragment of the past, only meant to be relived for a moment then forgotten, until the next calamity.
sad isn't it? guess thats the way it is.

and we're all so jaded and apathetic, and all we feel is helplessness, so much so that even when we realise something its gone in a fleeting moment, whatever passion and determination, that goes too.

think about it. when was the last time you went out of your way to make someone happy, and when did you last realise something's begun only when it ends?

perceptive @ 2006-03-03T01:08:00

2006-03-02T17:11:18Z

hi sweetie
i heard lots of good things about you today. you're so kind and caring. you love your friends so and you'd do anything to see them smile. i love you for being you. for doing that, for taking the time to make them smile. your pretty face alone makes them want to smile, everyone loves you cos you're just so genuine and you bring sunshine and joy with you wherever you go. you light up their lives, especially mine. honey, we'd never know what to do without you. you're the candle in our darkness, our pillar of strength. we love you so.